


Why Sanji ACTUALLY Hates Zoro

by FictionAddiction23



Category: One Piece
Genre: Awkward Boners, Bodyswap, Caring Roronoa Zoro, Caught, Confrontations, Confusion, Dark, Drama, Dream Sex, Established Relationship, Fight and Flight, Fighting Kink, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Hand Jobs, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Moaning, No Smut, Out of Character, POV Vinsmoke Sanji, Pining Vinsmoke Sanji, Post-Thriller Bark, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rough Kissing, Sexual Fantasy, Short & Sweet, Weirdness, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionAddiction23/pseuds/FictionAddiction23
Summary: This is the REAL reason why the shitty-cook has become a constant pain in the swordsman's side *hint hint* ....it's personal  ;)
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 12
Kudos: 142





	Why Sanji ACTUALLY Hates Zoro

**Author's Note:**

> So I had to take off well over a year from writing to deal with some health issues, but now I'm ready to get back into the flow of fanfiction! I sincerely hope that all of my readers are doing well, new or old, at the time that you happen across this story. There is more Zosan to come, especially since I'm quarantined at home due to the coronavirus. We, as humans, are all in this together. Please try to stay safe and healthy wherever you and your families are--I believe that anime brings the world together, and the world could definitely use some solidarity right about now. 
> 
> In the immortal worlds of a literary genius who was well beyond his time,
> 
> DON'T PANIC!!! 
> 
> -Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy)
> 
> With Love,
> 
> The Author :)

*

  
That goddamned shitty cook was at it again, and Zoro's last nerve was wearing thinner than the scrawny bastard who was currently flipping out on him AGAIN and instigating a soon to be all-out BRAWL in the kitchen.

  
The pissed-off swordsman had already forgotten why he was even being attacked right now, when all he'd wanted was a fucking drink--he never could predict when Sanji would actually allow him to sneak into the stockpile or, instead, make some sort of ridiculous scene over something seemingly inconsequential (although he always framed the situation as if ZORO were the bad guy).

  
Today, the swordsman had just had enough. 

  
He snapped--and he would own-up to his part in the inevitable destruction that was to come...tomorrow, of course. Because right now, he was going to freak _right-the-fuck-back._

  
"Come at me, then, EYEBROW--I'll finally cut that stupid, blond fringe off and see how ridiculous the OTHER half of your face looks!"

  
As usual, needling Sanji about his greatest insecurities was a sure-fire way to light him up like a firecracker until he was practically blazing--diable jambe in full throttle despite the WOODEN KITCHEN they were currently standing in which he usually treated as if it were his own personal property, complete with a list of rules that he expected Zoro to follow.

  
Well, FUCK that--the swordsman had been dealing with the shitty cook's bad attitude for months on end, and he was about to get to the bottom of it once and for all.

  
In the course of perhaps ten minutes, he was able to trick Sanji into thinking that this were simply one of their normal fights. However, Zoro had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to best the cook ever since Thriller Bark when, for some reason, Sanji's already unpredictable mood-swings seemed to have tripled overnight.

  
Even Zoro was capable of picking out patterns when he chose to look for them--noticing your enemy's weaknesses could always be attained through strategy, after all. 

  
He was going to win this fight in the next 10 seconds...

  
_Catch him off-guard when he steps back from his forward attack,_ he told himself calmly, taking Sanji by the lapels of his jacket in a quick, darting motion. 3 seconds had ticked past by the time his fingers curled around the expensive fabric at the cook's collar in a steely grip.

The blond had probably thought that he would have the upper hand since Zoro had yet to draw his swords--and not because he COULDN'T...no, this was allll part of his plan. 

  
Within the next 5 seconds, he had executed probably the most UNexpected move to date--not once since day-one of their meeting had Zoro EVER put his hands on the cook in any way that wasn't aggressive, condescending, or controlling in general (except perhaps the occasional expression of nakamaship with respect to SHIT THAT ACTUALLY MATTERED!) 

  
Sanji would never expect what he was about to do--not while they were literally snarling and snapping insults at each other with feet and fists flying back and forth--so in the instant when the cook was within arms reach, Zoro took the opportunity to enact his master plan.

  
In just 2 more seconds, the shitty cook would be surrendering to the swordsman's victory--WITHOUT his swords--he was going to win with BRAINS on this one. 

  
_Beat him at his own game....fucking know-it-all,_ Zoro thought, drawing the blond closer with a sharp, equally unexpected yank because it was TOWARDS the weaponless swordsman rather than away or in any other tactical direction that the cook would predict him to choose.

  
The sudden closeness between two bitter rivals--their faces inches apart and uncomfortably lined up due to their similarity in height--definitely surprised the other man for a split-second before the final countdown...

  
That split-second of hesitation was all that Zoro needed for this plan to work. He had picked up a special technique from a dancer whom he'd met at the previous island--a woman who ran with some unpleasant crowds during her off-hours and knew how to drop a man to the floor with one good sweep.

  
Zoro thought that he was executing the move fairly well--the cook had let out a sharp yelp! and allowed him that split-second to lock his foot behind Sanji's freakishly long legs and topple the sucker like a sack off potatoes. He even had a second to spare once the cook's feet had been swept out from under him during which Zoro was quick to put himself in a position towering over the other man.

There was an audible THUMP when Sanji's back slammed into the deck which Zoro hoped that the crew wouldn't come to check on, but no one had so far (Nami and Robin were probably still in town, Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper had gone down to the beach, Franky was somewhere below probably tinkering away with one of his machines, and Brook was on watch-duty up in the crow's nest). 

  
With that spare second, Zoro secured the cook with the proper leg-locking technique shown to him by the wonderful Constance--with a knee planted firmly next to each of Sanji's hips, the swordsman lowered himself into a seated position with his thighs essentially crushing the other man's pelvis under cords of thick, unwavering muscle. 

  
After all, Sanji wasn't the only warrior on the crew who never skipped leg-day.

  
Zoro's weight, coupled with the additional locking of his ankles above the joints of the cook's knees, effectively incapacitated the smaller man who no longer had control over the most essential areas of his body. 

  
You could't kick SHIT without twisting your hips or bending your knees, now could you?

  
Unfortunately, the swordsman had spent far too many minutes of late simply analyzing the different ways in which Sanji's body was able to contort into very specific postures--patterns that were unique to the cook's fighting style allowed the swordsman to plan for the LEAST likely scenarios...

  
This was certainly an unexpected position to find oneself in--trapped beneath a man of Zoro's size and strength with nothing but your arms to fight back with (which the cook decidedly wouldn't). Sanji, to the bastard's credit, managed to recover from the initial blow to his torso with relative ease, sucking in a sharp breath that sounded to the swordsman like an angry, inverted hiss.

  
He allowed himself a single, shit-eating grin. 

  
The cook's eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the expression. Miraculously, his hair fringe had landed in place, so Zoro was pierced with half the power of an icy glare, and damn was it COLD--colder than any of the looks that he usually got from the temperamental blond. 

Something actually seemed...off? 

Sure, Sanji had been especially annoying as the today had gone by, but this was different...

  
He was fucking PISSED. 

  
_Why the hell is he always taking his anger issues out on me?!_ the swordsman lamented internally, aware now that the icy glare was at least, in part, related to something other than their current fight. _Oh yeah, this was all because I forgot to close the cupboard door when I left the galley this morning..._

  
Sanji had been extra tense this past week in general--he hadn't seemed to sleep well the previous night, and all throughout the morning and afternoon he had been snapping at Zoro more than was usual and _certainly_ more than was necessary given the situations. It had been like Fishmen Island all over again--all they'd been doing lately was fucking fighting! Even ZORO was getting tired of it! And fighting with the cook had to be one of his top favourite things to do to pass the time. 

  
"Look," he began carefully, his tone demanding and inflexible. 

  
Sanji's eye snapped to his face, a mask of determination, with hands strewn at his sides--useless to a fighting chef without his kitchen tools or ingredients. His fingers clenched into fists of pure defiance. Zoro made a show of pinning the other man's arms in place despite the fact that he knew he wouldn't be hit with those fists--Sanji was completely at his mercy...FINALLY! 

  
"I'm only gonna say this once, Cook..."

  
Zoro leaned down closer, bringing his face into the other man's personal space for added effect. He could feel Sanji's entire body tense-up in reaction--everywhere they touched had gone as rigid as a board--the cook hissed in another lungful of air, but this time, it came out as a real growl. Like an animal that knew it had been caught in a trap, his final death throe sounded inhuman--almost alien. 

  
The blond seemed to decide that he didn't want to hear whatever he was expecting the swordsman to say, cutting in with an annoyed tone.

"Alright, fine. You win--THIS time."

  
Sanji's anger and frustration were beyond evident. His icy glare melted as it focused itself on the man sitting atop him, except now it was positively BURNING with rage. Zoro swore that he felt the temperature in the room shoot up a degree or two.

  
"I don't _care_ who won," he snapped in exasperation, silencing the cook with this highly uncharacteristic statement from the competitive swordsman. Sanji was visibly confused at that, a stark transition from his vapid anger only moments ago. His face appeared uncomfortably flushed--Zoro thought offhandedly that he looked as if he were blushing. 

  
"Eh?! Wh-what?" he sputtered stupidly. The blond was more flustered than the swordsman had ever seen him. Zoro refused to back down--he was getting an answer to this question or he would throw that condescending asshole overboard at the earliest opportunity...

  
"WHY....THE FUCK....DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH, COOK?!" 

He had wanted to shout this, but it came out sounding only marginally loud and, well, fucking _tired_.

He was tired of the bullshit--the insults, the posturing, the constant back-and-forth that ended exactly where it began. They had to address the elephant in the room at some point, didn't they? All of this tension between them, it was a becoming a constant presence on the ship even when it seemed like there was nothing in particular to provoke it--as though it were being ingrained into their very beings.

  
Zoro wasn't sure if he wanted things to continue like that, but he also didn't know WHY their relationship seemed to be consistently changing for the worse in the first place. And whatever answers he may have been expecting from Sanji, he certainly couldn't have predicted what was about to follow.

  
The cook was completely frozen. He literally did not move a millimetre--just lapsed into silence aside from the single intake of break which he held for an unreasonably long time, staring wordlessly at the swordsman like a statue. 

  
Then, unmistakably, something like a shiver traveled throughout Sanji's whole body. Zoro felt where it began--behind the cook's navel where a ball of strange tension seemed to have formed--and also where it spread like a warm liquid being poured, carrying its heat outwards in all directions until it reached the tips of each of his lanky limbs. The blond let out the breath that he was holding, and it sounded like the sigh of a dying man. 

  
"I...you...?!" 

  
He appeared too choked-up to respond. A series of extremely potent emotions flitted across his face in the following instant as both men simultaneously realized the provocative position they were currently in and exactly what the cook must be feeling:

  
Confusion. Slow-realization. Horror. Utter Panic. Horror again. And finally, it was back to anger.

  
Well, that was more familiar, but Zoro would have to ignore it in favor of addressing the problem at hand--when he had noticed that Sanji's entire body had gone rigid earlier, he hadn't thought about those logistics in their entirety... 

  
It was literally the cook's ENTIRE body.

  
Now it was _Zoro's_ turn to freeze, but he kept a better check on his emotions and was able to hold his expression as a sort of blank mask of calm. He only had one chance to respond to his crewmate who was currently gay-panicking with an extremely awkward boner underneath him, and the swordsman found himself at a complete loss for words. 

  
Sanji was the one who was supposed to be good with words--ZORO HAD ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION!!! 

  
"Just...tell me," the swordsman began with utter seriousness. 

  
He leaned his head in even closer, and Sanji became even more tense (if that were humanly possible). The thought struck Zoro that perhaps the cook believed for a moment that he was about to be _kissed_. Instead, Zoro dropped his forehead to the floor with a light "thunk." He had loosened his grip from the other man's biceps and placed his palms against the hardwood on either side of their faces.

  
"...Tell me what the HELL is going on with you lately?!"

  
Sanji clapped one free hand over his own mouth, stopping whatever sound he had been about to let slip out. His other hand snaked itself between their chests and pressed flat against the swordsman's pectoral. Zoro only had a second to register the fact that the other man's fingers appeared to be trembling before the most unexpected thing happened--even more unexpected than the biggest skirt-chaser onboard getting a hard-on for their resident swordsman.

  
Sanji shoved him--HARD--with his actual hand. 

  
He made sure to use enough force to make it obvious that he was fighting back without the use of his legs--sending a message loud and clear that he just wanted Zoro OFF!

  
The swordsman moved away instantly, releasing the uncomfortable pressure between them and trying very hard not to think about the feeling of Sanji's cock sliding past his own during this entire interaction. His brain was finally catching up to the situation and soon he too would be in an embarrassing predicament. Surprisingly, he could feel his own face starting to fill with the heat of a nervous blush. 

  
_What the hell am I supposed to say? What CAN I say? He's going to kick my ass straight to hell for that move!_ Zoro thought, utterly thrown. _WHY DIDN'T I THINK THIS THROUGH?!_

  
SANJI had a LEGIT BONER because of HIM! 

  
There was no way around it--they weren't seventeen anymore.

  
_FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!_

  
He didn't even have time to try out a choice phrase such as, "What gives, love-cook, aren't you usually barking up a more feminine tree?" before the cook planted the sole of his shoe in Zoro's midsection, effectively repaying him for knocking the wind out of him earlier. Then the blond straight-up vanished in a scramble of limbs, disappearing from the galley without even bothering to put away his forgotten cooking tools. 

  
Zoro took a minute to shove everything back into their incorrect places and went straight to bed. 

  
Sanji's blanketed form didn't budge when the swordsman quietly made his way into his own bunk. Both men fell asleep with A LOT of questions on their minds...

*

  
  
_In the dream, Bartholomew Kuma had already laid waste to the residents of Thriller Bark including most of the Straw Hats whose captain, Monkey D. Luffy, was currently down-for-the-count after defeating Gecko Moria with his own power._

  
_Everything was in shambles, and there seemed to be a loud ringing in the cook's ears. He felt deaf, and blind, and mute all at the same time despite being hyper-aware of everything around him--and then, suddenly, he was running..._

  
_He was running as if it were the end of the world, through the piles of smashed debris and broken buildings, to the spot where he had--_ UGH, that IDIOT!

  
_He'd actually gone through with it--sacrificing himself to Kuma in exchange for Luffy's head!_

  
_Where the fuck WAS he?_

  
_Sanji kept running with only one thing on his mind. His heart was pounding in his ears like a drumbeat, in time with his footsteps, until he turned the final corner and saw..._

  
_Blood--fucking EVERYWHERE. But was it Kuma's? Or....?_

  
_Pound, pound, pound, pound--his feet carried him rhythmically to the heart of the carnage. If he squinted, he could just make out the figure of..._

  
Wait, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

  
_Sanji mentally withdrew like a frightened bird--he simply couldn't understand what he was looking at within the context of his own memories. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that he was asleep and that he was re-living one of the most traumatic scenes of his life (and there were plenty of those to choose from)._

  
This is totally wrong... _he thought, confused beyond reason. In the middle of the blood-soaked earth was a body lying in a suit of red._

  
_It was HIS body...Sanji's._

  
_The recently dissipated fog was allowing the sun to shine, clear as day, onto the very blond head which he saw every morning in the mirror. The very sight of it not only chilled him to his bones, it filled him with perverse horror--he felt like some sort of ghost, staring down at the remains of his own pathetic life._

  
What the heck happened here? _he wondered uselessly because he simply couldn't remember. He had thought, no--he had been_ certain _that_ Zoro _was the one who had offered to take on all of Luffy's pain. He could still remember the feeling of the swordsman's katana as its handle was being driven into his side when the other man knocked him to the ground._

  
_That had fucking hurt! Now, his body felt completely fine--light even--as though he were made of air. It was then that he received another shock..._

  
_He looked down and saw that he was Zoro--the green-haired-man's clothes, the swords at his hip, everything down to the bloodstains on his shoes, appeared exactly as he remembered his crewmate from that day--except, of course, that the angle was all wrong._

  
_He was seeing this through Zoro's eyes._

  
Umm...okay...this is weird.. _..he thought, realizing that he did not, in fact, have any control over the scene playing out in front of him. He felt distinctly like some sort of phantom crouching in the back of someone else's mind, watching their actions as they moved but being unable to wrest away that control and make it his own._

  
_He saw Zoro approach what was surely his own corpse--watched as the swordsman got down on knee-level, reaching out an unfamiliar hand that trembled as it passed over the pale face of the unconscious man, pressing tentatively against the side of his neck._

  
_"Thank God..." Sanji whispered, except they were Zoro's words of relief spoken through Zoro's mouth. Strangely, it felt like the cook were speaking both_ to _himself as well as_ as _himself--ha! "I guess you didn't die, after all. Crazy bastard..."_

  
_The swordsman's face stretched into a surprisingly fond smile. His hand slid from the cook's neck to cradle the side of his cheek, almost lovingly. Sanji could still feel it even though he was also watching it--he could feel Zoro's arm reach out, directing that hand at the same time that Sanji felt it touch his own face, a gentle caress that spoke more volume than Zoro would have been capable of with words._

  
_"Wake up, love-cook!"_

  
_Sanji's eyes opened._

_He was in his own body again, but everything felt worse. It hurt so much that he couldn't think about it--wouldn't think about it--couldn't think--because it just_ hurt. _He knew that Zoro must have experienced pain like this, and more. Luffy's stamina was nothing to scoff at, not to mention he was made of rubber whereas the swordsman obviously wasn't._

  
_Then, all at once, the pain went away like a cool breeze, and the cook could make sense of his surroundings again. He was no longer lying in the clearing with his suit covered in his own blood, although somehow he still remembered being there (except he had_ never _actually been there, had he?)._

  
_Sanji realized that he was in the infirmary--Chopper was puttering about at his side. He could hear the little reindeer's hooves clacking across the floorboards as he fiddled with his doctor instruments, adjusted Sanji's bandages, and administered various drugs._

  
_Man, they were_ good _drugs, too...._

  
_Sanji floated along happily until Chopper left him be, closing the infirmary door with a quiet clank behind him (the cook was now in control of his actions and chose to keep his eyes shut because he was too confused to ask for any explanation, also, he figured that he was probably still dreaming)._

  
_Only a moment later, the door opened again, and the swordsman's loud baritone filled the room._

  
_"He didn't kill you," Zoro stated rather matter-of-factly._

  
_"Obviously not," Sanji fired back irritably. "Do I look like a skeleton to you?"_

  
_"Yo ho ho ho," the swordsman replied dryly. His tone was dark--and so were his eyes._

  
_In fact, something was off about his entire persona. He seemed...distressed?_

  
That green-haired-bastard probably figured that I wouldn't survive what Luffy went through, _Sanji thought to himself, feeling slightly sour about the fact._ What the fuck, shitty-swordsman? I'm just as strong as you! _he wanted to shout, but he held back because of the look in the other man's eyes._

  
_Despair._

  
_That's what he was seeing--it was unthinkable for Zoro to be so wrought over him of all people...He wasn't even dead! Sanji felt strange knowing that the swordsman cared enough to check up on him, let alone the fact that he was clearly upset over the cook taking his place._

  
_"Sorry to steal your thunder, marimo...but it all worked itself out in the end."_

  
_This was supposed to be a lighthearted statement to cut through the tension in the room, but it had the exact opposite effect. Zoro's eyes flashed dangerously, and suddenly he was towering over the blond man with that same look of despair--only now it was merging with fire and brimstone._

  
_"What the fuck are you talking about?!" he snapped harshly, getting right into Sanji's personal space. He slammed his hands down on the mattress, caging the blond in place and glaring straight into his very soul._

  
_Even in a dream, the swordsman's eye had the power to capture the other man's full attention. They locked gazes, and it was as if Sanji could feel Zoro's aura crashing around him like a tsunami in a storm--he was drowning in an ocean of rapidly swelling anger, being battered from every side, as his crew-mate's emotions overwhelmed him._

  
_Neither of them could breathe for an instant--the cook just stared, helplessly dragged along by the currant of Zoro's stormy rage. The sense of sheer desperation was unbearable. There was nothing he could do to prevent it or fight back..._

  
_How could one rage against the sea itself?_

  
_"What are you talking about, marimo?" he heard himself say, but it sounded muffled as if they really_ were _submerged underwater._

  
_His face felt rather hot._

  
_Sanji fell forward--deeper into the swordsman's soul, or so it seemed to him. At it's heart, he found the main source of Zoro's desperate fury..._

  
_Desire._

  
_This realization shocked him into stillness. He got the distinct feeling that the swordsman wanted to swallow him up entirely._

  
_Strangely, the notion didn't immediately cause him to spiral into a panic--this was a dream, after all, so he considered it matter-of-factly and decided that he probably had_ a lot _of psychological baggage that had led to him conjuring up this version of Zoro._

  
_It was probably a manifestation of his own narcissism coupled with the trauma of nearly losing his nakama and being unable to measure up to the swordsman when it mattered..._

  
_Sanji hadn't been able to stop Zoro from sacrificing himself--this whole twisted replay was a product of his guilt, inferiority complex, and self-obsession._

  
_"Fuck it all," the cook growled. He grabbed the swordsman by his t-shirt and yanked him onto the bed, twisting in spite of his injuries to shift Zoro underneath him before the other man could even let out a shout of surprise. There was no more pain--only their mutual desire and its all-consuming rage._

  
_"You almost died."_

  
_Zoro spoke the words unexpectedly softly._

  
_"No," Sanji insisted with a shake of his head, fists tightening around the fabric of the other man's clothes. "I'm alive because you saved me."_

  
_"You almost left us!"_

  
_"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FUCKING LEFT!" he screamed, directly into the swordsman's face. The cook's legs were trembling, and Zoro's lower half was responding accordingly. Sanji sucked in a sharp breath, but his next words came out as a whisper. "How could you scare everybody like that?"_

  
_Dream-Zoro didn't argue his stance that the cook had been the one to sacrifice himself instead--he seemed too caught-up in the moment to question why Sanji was acting insane and totally out-of-character. The swordsman's lips quirked into a sly, lop-sided grin._

  
_"I would die for you, Cook...but you knew that already."_

_Then they were kissing._

  
_Someone lunged towards the other, or maybe it was simultaneous, Sanji couldn't say. Zoro's fingers were tangled in his hair, twisting into the roots and securing the cook's face against his own with insistent pressure. He tasted of sake and spice._

  
What do _I_ taste like? _he wondered vaguely as Zoro hungrily sucked on his tongue. In a matter of seconds, Sanji was hard in his pants--awed by the sensation of the swordsman's cock rising to meet his own and unable to resist his body's own desire in response to his crew-mate's obvious yearning._

  
_"Touch me, marimo," he mumbled between kisses, nearly biting the other man's lip in his impatience. Just thrusting against the warm body underneath him wasn't enough--he needed to free his aching member and feel the swordsman's strong grip around it._

  
_Sanji had barely finished the request when his heart stuttered and skipped a beat as Zoro's hand snaked down his pants, not even bothering to unzip them, and began furiously stroking his cock. He moaned into the swordsman's mouth and slipped his own hands under his signature white t-shirt, feeling the flat planes of Zoro's chest with an eagerness that surprised even himself._

  
_He wanted to touch the other man, too--to feel him completely give in to this desire, moan and writhe under Sanji's body--so that they could lose control together._

  
_"Fuck me before I fuck you," he got out, almost spitting the words into the crook of the marimo's shoulder. Zoro's mouth latched onto the base of his throat, moving rhythmically along the cook's swan-like neck until his lips tickled the lobe of his left ear._

  
_"Promise to do me next time?" he said breathily, melting Sanji's gut into a puddle of anticipation. His cock throbbed in the swordsman's grip._

  
_"So...damn...greedy," he complained facetiously, equally breathless. The cook knew that the bastard was smiling even though he had closed his eyes to focus his attention on not coming in his pants._

  
_"It isn't greed," the swordsman argued. "I'm just...hungry."_

  
_"Then shut up and let me do my fucking job!" Sanji snapped back._

  
_Zoro upended them with a sudden jerk, throwing the blond into a seated position and securing his long legs around the swordsman's waist in one motion. "How about I feed_ you _something good for a change?" he said smarmily._

  
_Throb-throb._

  
_Sanji didn't have a comeback--all he could think about was how the other man's hand had stopped pumping his cock and was obviously waiting for his reply. Zoro's free hand had gripped the cook's tight little ass and was making its way along one slim, muscular thigh, all the way to the tip of his dick which was leaking fluid down its shaft and pooling around the swordsman's motionless hand._

  
_The blond couldn't take his teasing anymore. He actually whimpered--like a goddamn dog in heat. It just slipped out, and he wasn't even embarrassed since this was a dream--a really, really,_ good _wet dream--with_ Zoro _of all people!_

  
It's now or never, amirite? _he thought to no one in particular. Sanji might never have another sex-dream about the swordsman again, so just in case this was the first and only time, he wanted to make the most of it._

  
_"You'd better be enough to fill me up, marimo..."_

*

  
Sanji awoke in the men's dorm-room with a start. 

  
He'd had that _same_ dream again--the trippy, body-swapping ego-fest that always ending in him being royally fucked by his green-haired crewmate.

  
His skin was burning all over, and he knew that he would have to get up and deal with the resulting morning-wood before any of the others woke up for breakfast. The cook shucked himself out of his hammock and instantly froze, his eyes catching sight of the swordsman who was already awake and looking at him oddly. 

  
"Um..."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT?! JESUS CHRIST--I JUST WOKE UP, AND I ALREADY HAVE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID, UGLY FACE?!" he screeched angrily--a knee-jerk reaction, like a kid who was just caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Sanji moderated his voice since their sleeping nakama were reacting to the sound of his overly-defensive tone. "Way to spoil my morning, marimo..." he grouched, stomping towards the door and avoiding the swordsman's eye.

  
"Sorry," Zoro replied uncaringly. His next words stopped the cook in his tracks. "Did you have a nice dream about me?"

  
Sanji felt his face drain of color and was very glad that he'd been facing the door. "Excuse me?" he said stiffly, his tone a warning for the other man to dare to go any further.

  
Instead of answering right away, there was the distinct sound of the swordsman's boots approaching the cook from behind. Sanji felt his hackles raise instantly. _Shit-fuck-bitch-cunt-goddamn-son-of-a--_ he twisted the door handle and escaped into the hallway, slamming a wooden barrier between himself and the object of his secret desire. 

  
"THAT'S NOT FUNNY, YOU FREAK!" he yelled in a complete panic. Zoro swung the door back open so that Sanji was forced to look him in the face as he stood there in complete silence. "I--I have to make breakfast, so fuck off!" he muttered, cursing his fair skin for flushing ever so noticeably.

  
The swordsman stared at him contemplatively but didn't speak for a full fifteen seconds. 

  
"Yesterday, in the galley..." he began.

  
_NOPE. NO-NO-NO-NO-NOOOOOOOOO--I AM NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION TODAY!_ Sanji screamed internally. _There's no way he could know about the dreams--just calm down and ACT NORMAL,_ he instructed himself, to no avail. It was clear that Zoro did know something, though...

  
"You talk in your sleep, Cook."

  
Silence. 

  
All of Sanji's thoughts filtered away, leaving him essentially brain-dead. He felt like he was living some sort of horrible nightmare and desperately hoped that were the case because if what the swordsman was saying were true then...

  
"M-MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, SHITTY-SWORDSMAN! WHAT THE HELL?!"

  
"..."

  
"I--I'm going to the kitchen now," the cook muttered, turning to flee once again, his feet on auto-pilot. Zoro caught his elbow during the spin and forced him to stop.

  
"Wait--it's okay, just-"

  
"LET GO OF ME!" Sanji yelled, swinging a viscous kick at the other man's side, but Zoro was obviously expecting him to do this. He held on tighter, taking the blow with a grunt and holding Sanji's skittish gaze. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, MARIMO, DON'T TEST ME!"

  
"Fine...do it then."

  
His tone was measured--dead serious--without a hint of mocking or any of their usual animosity. He held the cook's gaze for an uncomfortably long time, even allowing two more kicks to land on his right thigh and midsection, but he didn't falter a step. 

  
The fact that Sanji's attacks had barely moved the other man made the cook's fury flare like a miniature sun, albeit, he wasn't exactly in the ideal head-space for a fair fight. Before the blond could spit another angry retort or lash out with a more calculated blow--this time to the bastard's FACE--Zoro surprised him by suddenly releasing his grip.

  
The cook stumbled back a step, knocking into the wall and righting himself in preparation for some sort of rebuttal. Zoro just looked at him, almost shyly. Then, in an impossibly quite tone, he said, "How exactly do you want me to touch you?" which fried every last one of the cook's overactive brain-cells. "I heard you mumbling it clearly. You said my name--well, actually you said, 'Touch me, marimo,' and then you said, 'Fuck me before'--"

  
"AAAARG!!! THERE'S NO WAY I--I MEAN, YOU CAN'T...IT WAS JUST A FUCKING SHITTY DREAM, OKAY?!"

  
"Will you stop yelling and relax for a minute, Cook? You're gonna wake the whole ship. I've been trying to figure this out since all of that shit happened on Thriller Bark--you've been acting like even more of a psycho ever since that island. Do you...actually want me to fuck you?" he asked, rather calmly despite Sanji currently imploding on the spot in front of him. 

  
He was so embarrassed he wanted to die. _This is the end,_ he thought. _I'll never find the All Blue..._

Sanji was seriously contemplating suicide at this point. _It wouldn't be so bad. Zeff would probably understand--my manhood is at stake here, after all,_ he thought despairingly. _Nami and Robin would never have to know why I did it..._

  
"Oi? I'm just asking you a question here. You were the one having sex-dreams in a cabin full of your crewmates, so don't look at me like I'm the one who's out-of-line," Zoro grouched, crossing his arms in a gesture of impatience. 

  
"We're standing _right outside!_ I'm not answering that--you're insane!" Sanji told him, his cheeks burning even hotter because he knew how obvious it would be if he lied. Instead, he turned on his heel and began a purposeful march in the direction of literally-anywhere-but-here. "Don't _ever_ mention this again!" he added for good measure.

  
"I said it was okay, didn't I?"

  
Again, Zoro's words stopped him mid-step. The way he was talking--it was almost like the swordsman was saying that he wouldn't even mind if he and Sanji... _GAAAAH! STOP THINKING ABOUT IT, OH MY GOD!!! I'm supposed to be burying these feelings in the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind where all of my other fucked-up baggage is stored!_ he reminded himself. 

  
"Is that your idea of a joke?" he said under his breath--pissed beyond reason that Zoro was reacting so calmly to the whole thing when he should be kicking the cook's ass.

  
Zoro must have picked up on the underlying self-hatred in his tone, which Sanji had been directing at the swordsman ever since he had discovered this twisted desire inside himself, because the other man sounded infuriatingly sympathetic when he said, "I'm not trying to upset you...I just-"

  
"JUST WHAT?!" he snapped back, turning again to meet his crew-mate's eyes with a vengeance. "SAY IT THEN--FUCKING GET IT OVER WITH, ASSHOLE!"

  
He was practically steaming--he had no memory of grabbing Zoro by his shirt, but there were his hands, shaking the swordsman as if he could throttle him with fingers that hadn't hurt a man since Sanji was too young to know better--and it was a completely empty threat.

  
He had no desire to hurt Zoro in that moment. The cook just wanted to be left alone to wallow in his own misery and confusion, not to be forced to confront these desires in a scene that was sickeningly reminiscent of his dreams as well as the highly improper sparring session they had engaged in less than twenty-four hours ago.

  
It was all too fresh--his heart was pumping in double-time, and Zoro kept fucking staring at him like...like...

  
Like he was hungry.

  
A chef could always recognize that look in a person, but Zoro had never looked at him that way before--only in his dreams. 

  
"Are you gonna let me finish a sentence or what? If you want me to stop talking so badly, there are better ways of accomplishing that, you know."

  
Sanji just looked at him, flabbergasted. More heat rose to his cheeks because if he didn't know any better, he would think that Zoro was actually _flirting_ with a line like that! The cook was genuinely shook by the notion--he quickly let go of the swordsman as if his clothes had burned him, but he didn't retreat a second time. There was barely any distance between them. He could see determination suddenly fill the green-haired man's steely gaze...

  
Zoro didn't need him to say anything more. He nodded as if a decision had been made between them and said, "Come on, then. Let's do it."

  
The cook swallowed hard and felt it catch in his throat--he wasn't sure what was happening anymore and seemed to have lost his voice. _Maybe this is a dream, too?_ he wondered. _Yeah, it's just a_ super _vivid dream--that must be it._

  
Zoro suddenly grabbed his hand and begun walking briskly down the hallway, dragging him along like a toddler. Sanji certainly didn't offer any resistance. On the off chance that he _was_ dreaming right now, this version of Zoro seemed so familiar yet also so different compared to all of his usual expectations that he simply followed the other man's urgent footsteps like two thieves in the night, silent and stealthy.

  
"Uh...wh-where are we going?" he said unsurely, still caught off-guard by the swordsman's strange behaviour. 

  
"The infirmary."

  
"Eh?! I'm not _sick_ \--" he started, genuinely concerned for a moment that Zoro had gotten it into his head that Sanji's accidental slip-up in the night was evidence for some sort of physical or mental illness. 

  
"I know that, dumbass--it's the only room onboard with a proper bed."

  
_Oh....OH, SHIT!!!! THIS IS HAPPENING--LIKE, RIGHT NOW?!_ Sanji realized frantically, tripping over his own feet as he tried to keep up with the swordsman's pace. He couldn't believe his own eyes and ears--Zoro was holding his hand, they were heading to the infirmary just like he had imagined, except neither of them were covered in wounds or bandages, and the swordsman was really planning on fucking him, apparently.

  
"I...I don't know if--this is a little _fast_ , marimo," he got out as they were approaching the door to the infirmary. Zoro stopped just outside, one hand pausing on the doorknob with the other still holding Sanji's in a warm embrace. 

  
Their eyes met, and the cook felt a flurry of butterflies erupt in his stomach when the other man said, "Hmm...okay, if you're not ready then-"

  
"N-no! I mean, it's not like I'm _scared_ or anything, but I haven't...exactly...y'know, with a man...before," Sanji stuttered, too anxious to form the sentence properly. 

  
He had been a womanizer his entire life--the very idea of doing something like this with Zoro had been purely fantasy...until it wasn't.

  
"But you know how to do it, right?" Zoro asked him, still too calmly for the cook to take him seriously. 

  
"Of course! Except with women I've always been a pitcher rather than a catcher, okay? I didn't expect you to-"

  
"Eh, well, I guess I could switch if you prefer it."

  
Sanji flushed all the way to the tips of his toes, ecstatic to have been given the choice but embarrassed to have to actually _choose_. He wasn't sure what would be best for them--or even what he wanted, really--he just knew that he didn't want to waste their first time overthinking it.

  
Zoro was suspiciously casual about the whole thing, so the cook had to ask, "Why are you doing this, anyway?" which caused the swordsman to finally react like a normal human being--he looked surprised at the question and needed a minute to think about it, never letting go of the other man's hand in the meanwhile.

  
"I think...maybe it's because I want to make you happy? I don't know--that's a stupid question--why do I even need a reason? It's natural, isn't it?"

  
"I guess," Sanji replied, feeling more surprised by the minute. "Why now all of a sudden? You've never given a fuck about my happiness before," he said with a hint of bitterness. The cook slipped his hand out of Zoro's while he waited for proper answer, convinced that the marimo had decided to accept him on a complete whim--or worse, as some sort of _charity case_. 

  
The swordsman shook his head in emphatic denial. "I've always cared," he argued. 

  
"But we fight all the time--how can you say that when we've been at each other's throats since the day we met?!"

  
"You like fighting with me, idiot-cook-- _that's_ what makes you happy."

  
_Oh. Damn._

  
He was right, of course--Sanji fucking _loved_ it. Clearly, he even got-off on it or this wouldn't be happening right now. It was kind of scary how well Zoro actually knew him--they had barely discussed this new development in their relationship, but somehow it felt exactly right. 

  
"And you're not, like, responding this way because I've been acting...?"

  
"Insane?" Zoro finished with a knowing smirk. "You're not a cat that needs to be neutered, Cook. I wouldn't do something like this just for the sake of controlling your mood-swings, if that's what you're asking."

  
Sanji tried not to let his relief show quite too obviously. He had also been worried that the swordsman considered this to be a necessary duty in order to keep the peace within the crew--going along with whatever Sanji wanted for the sake of something like that would leave a bad taste in the cook's mouth. 

  
He wanted Zoro to _want_ him as strange as that seemed.

  
"Okay. You can fuck me then," he decided. "Uh...do _you_ know how to do it with a man?"

  
For the first time since the swordsman had agreed to do this, Zoro's expression showed a hint of real nervousness, but his captivating gaze was still unwavering when he said, "Absolutely not," and reached out his hand.

  
Sanji laughed and took it without a second thought.

<3////The End////<3


End file.
